I hate you.
I hate you for breaking down that
Dam that I had carefully built to
Hold back all those emotions that
Were – are – not needed.
I hate you for making me promise to
Love you always, if God so ordains
To hold me – who has difficulty
Keeping even promises to myself –
To that promise I made for the
Love I have for you, no less.
I hate you for realising the
Impossibility of us finally, then
Leave me in the lurch of our devices
Drowning in all this love gushing
Blood-red, out of my veins.
I hate you for saying I shouldn’t
Be feeling this way, that I should have
A hold over this cuz you told me so
Because one cannot love to order.
I hate you for falling for another
Because you cannot fall for me
Because it hurts so much when
I am loving you still with a
Selfish, possessive love, for I am
Only human and incapable yet of
I hate you for this situation we are in
This “I don’t know what you are
To me” mode where I am living in
Limbo between feeling and unfeeling
Hold back and show, life and death.
I hate you for still having a hold
Over me, that despite everything
I can no longer leave you, God knows
How hard I tried and I hate myself
For feeling that way because hey,
I want to love you always right?
I hate you.